To be honest, I've been putting off writing this specific post for a few weeks. Essentially, though, it's the reason I started this advocacy project. When I started researching about bullying of LGBTQ students, I was astounded by the statistics. The following includes the mentioning of suicide and suicide ideation. Although I've mentioned suicide in previous articles to prove the necessity for LGBTQ inclusion in educational environments, this entire post focuses on the subject. If that is triggering, skip this week's post. It's going to be intense, but it'll end with hope.
Here are the facts.
Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among young people ages 10 to 24 (NIMH, 2021). A disproportionate amount of those suicides are from LGBTQ youth. In 2016, of all U.S. students, 17.7% contemplated suicide; 14.8% were heterosexual, 42.8% were LGB, and 31.9% were not sure of their sexuality or gender (CDC, 2016). Although we cannot count the 31.9% of students who were not sure of their sexuality or gender in the LGBTQ column, if a student does not identify as heterosexual, there is a strong likelihood that they are LGBTQ and have not come to terms with it, or are not out and are attempting to be discreet in the survey. That means 3 out of 4 youth who contemplated suicide were LGBTQ or possible LGBTQ. Additionally, LGBTQ youth are five times more likely to require medical treatment than those of heterosexual youth in their suicide attempts (CDC, 2016). Every act of LGBTQ victimization, like bullying or discrimination, increases the likelihood of self-harm by 2.5 times (Liu & Mustanski, 2012). While any student, regardless of sexuality or gender identity, can struggle with self-harm or suicidal ideation, it's hard to argue that LGBTQ youth don't struggle more with it because of bullying, harassment, and discrimination.
Here's the hope.
Recently my best friend struggled with suicidal ideation. She's not LGBTQ identifying, and she's not a youth, but I hope I can share her experience to help others understand how to respond to suicidal ideation when it texts you at 5:26 out of the blue. The message read "SOS" and I immediately grabbed my shoes so I could drive to her home. I FaceTime'd her and kept her on the phone with me the entire drive as she cried and admitted her plans.
Two weeks later I happened to attend a workshop on preventing suicide at HRC's Time to Thrive. Here's what Chris Bright, Director of Public Training at the Trevor Project suggested how to model the conversation with someone you're worried about.
Listen, validate, and acknowledge the person's feelings.
Ask about suicide and express your concerns directly.
Use open-ended and non-assumptive questions.
Allow them to guide the conversation.
Finally, connect them to resources (Bright, 2021).
Last week's blog post was about empathic listening to better understand others. This week, the focus is on the synergy that happens after the understanding takes place. According to Stephen Covey, "The highest forms of synergy focus the skills of empathic communication on the toughest challenges we face in life. What results is almost miraculous. We create a new alternative– something that wasn't there before" (2020, p. 308). While Chris Bright encouraged workshop participants to be careful of advice giving and brightening a situation (2021), synergy can help inspire people who are experiencing severe emotional distress to find hope in life. After I made it to my friend's house I sat there and listened. It was hours and hours of listening. Reflecting her language, validating her emotions, being present, being non-judgmental, and not interrupting her. Later in the evening we brainstormed ideas on how she could spend her next few days. Together, we exchanged ideas on how to make her situation realistically better. That was the synergy. She began to envision a different alternative and it sparked a tiny bit of joy and hope back into her. I reached out to a mutual nearby friend to spend the night with her, and didn't leave before she had the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in her phone. 1-800-273-8255.
The movement to be LGBTQ inclusive in educational environments values compassion, empathy, equality, and perhaps most of all, hope. Synergizing another human– especially those who are bullied and harassed over their immutable characteristics– to thrive in the now and future, is hope. Let me be clear.
Here's assessing their needs:
Not everyone will ask for help. It's crucial to assess whether you believe someone may be struggling with suicide ideation or not. Let's face it, though. It can be awkward. And it's not uncommon to feel inadequate and ill prepared in approaching someone who we see that is struggling.
The Trevor Project provides some warning signs that may be helpful to consider if you're concerned about an individual.
Have they felt: unimportant, trapped, hopeless, overwhelmed, unmotivated, isolated, alone irritable, impulsive?
Do they say things like:
"Nothing really matters anyway"
"I'm the worst."
"There's no hope for me."
"I'll miss you" with no context.
"Life is too hard."
Have they done any of the following?
Use drugs or alcohol more than usual
Behave differently than normal, including eating or sleeping more or less
Right now, pick up your phone and add the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 as a contact in case you ever need to share it with someone.
Something I learned recently is the lifeline is not just available for those in crisis, but also for friends, family, or community members who are concerned about someone and want to learn how to help.
There is also the option to text if talking on the phone is not an option. Text HOME to 741-741.
Next, add The Trevor Project Lifeline into your contacts: 1-866-488-7386. They also have a text option, as well. Text START to 678-678. The Trevor Project specializes in crisis intervention and suicide prevention for LGBTQ identifying people.
Finally, the Trevor Project provides amazing resources, like the free online LifeGuard Workshop that you should check out! Although the workshop is designed with teachers in mind, any adult who comes in contact with LGBTQ youth would benefit from participating. This Model School Policy is helpful for schools to implement policies about preventing suicide and how to address suicide in schools. For additional training, the Trevor Project provides in-person training about being an ally to LGBTQ students, and how to Connect, Accept, Response, and Empower vulnerable youth who are in crisis. Email Education@thetrevorproject.org for more information. Knowing how to have conversations with people who have suicidal ideations and promoting LGBTQ inclusion in educational environments will save lives.
Video Source: The Trevor Project [Username] on YouTube.
If someone you loved was expressing suicidal ideation, what would you say to them? Share in the comments below.
References:
Bright, C. (2021, February). Addressing LGBTQ Youth Mental Health and Suicide Prevention. Presentation presented at HRC's Time to Thrive workshop. The Trevor Project. Online.
Wow, such an important blog...written with compassion and helpful resources. I lost a friend to suicide a few years ago. She was one of the most resilient people I have ever known going through a dark time in her life. I had just talked to her a few days before. She was cheerful. It's hard to ever know when someone will experience a dark turn. I'm glad that your friend is feeling better now and that you were there. I watch for signs and listen for these signs very carefully in others now--including telling people connected to those experiencing trauma to watch their loved ones carefully. We need to all be open to talking about depression--and see that it can happen to anyone at any time. And to answer your question, I would say: "I'm here, and I always will be." I miss my friend all the time. That pain never goes away. I won't ever lose another. We must all be vigilant.
Wow, such an important blog...written with compassion and helpful resources. I lost a friend to suicide a few years ago. She was one of the most resilient people I have ever known going through a dark time in her life. I had just talked to her a few days before. She was cheerful. It's hard to ever know when someone will experience a dark turn. I'm glad that your friend is feeling better now and that you were there. I watch for signs and listen for these signs very carefully in others now--including telling people connected to those experiencing trauma to watch their loved ones carefully. We need to all be open to talking about depression--and see that it can happen to anyone at any time. And to answer your question, I would say: "I'm here, and I always will be." I miss my friend all the time. That pain never goes away. I won't ever lose another. We must all be vigilant.
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